Weight Issue

I have a weight issue. My issue is that people feel that my weight is a topic for discussion. It's not. If I should happen to bring it up, which is highly unlikely, then it might be something you could comment on. But I won't so don't.

I don't talk about my weight but it seems that other people feel the need to talk about it whenever the mood strikes them. And most often their assessment of my weight is completely at odds with reality.

This little rant has been developing in my brain since yesterday when a good intentioned friend suggested that I had gained weight recently. In fact, I have lost weight recently.

My weight is not something I obsess about but it seems that others are more than willing to obsess about it for me. This winter my weight noticeably shot up over a few short weeks- something I discussed with my doctor. Note to weighty commentators- my weight, other people's weight, your own weight should only be part of a conversation you have with your doctor unless of course your an athlete performing in a weight category. But that goes without saying- doesn't it?

So my friend mistakenly told me that it looked like I had gained weight and was looking healthier these days. Not only do my skinny pants fit but I feel like hell- completely fatigued. And in point of fact I don't know anyone, no matter their size that actually wants to hear, 'Hey, it looks like you have gained weight.' Even the skinniest people I know balk at the thought of a few extra pounds. Who is supposed to receive this comment in a positive manner?

In my late teens and twenties it was always my grandfather that kept a running commentary on my weight. On one visit home he'd say I had gained weight, the next he'd say I looked too thin. The funny thing is I wore the same pair of jeans for 15 years, he usually saw me in those jeans and I can't imagine how he could have seen any slight fluctuations that may have occurred over the years.

When I went to Asia I looked forward to being tall; that didn't happen. Instead one of the first adjectives used to describe me by a Thai seamstress was big. At the time I was working out in the gym three hours a day, had just completed a certificate as a personal trainer and was in the best physical shape of my life- how could I possibly be big? There are some very thin people in Thailand but there are some big ones too- all in all it was another unwanted commentary on my weight.

Last week one of my students from last years' course came into my office for a little chat; he was back on campus and bored with no classes to attend. He told me that his year went well; he studied hard, got an 85 average, and spent three hours a night at the gym. “I lost a lot of weight,” he said. I hadn't noticed and even if I had I wouldn't have said anything.

I rarely notice people's weight and wish others would be as blind to this feature as I am. If they were perhaps our society would be less neurotic about food, our bodies and what we look like.

Sidebar: I don't notice height either. I used to think my ex-boyfriend was just a little bit taller than me; in fact he's a whole foot taller. I'd be a horrible police witness.

What I do notice is my own weight- when clothes fit or don't- that is all you need to know to get dressed in the morning and meet the world in all its weighty forms.

Note: the picture used on this post is part of Leonard Nimoy's Full Body Project

Skinny Bitch

Today my neighbour came knocking on my door to pass on some clothes from her daughter. Said daughter was through with the attire and as her mother politely told me, I was the smallest person she knew. She didn’t use skinny, in some circles that has a negative connotation- as in the above title SKINNY BITCH.

If you are a woman, you have no doubt looked at another woman and thought those exact words to yourself. I know I have. I have not always been as thin as I am now. My early years were set at 15 to 20 pounds more than my current weight; perhaps even more than that. I was not a fan of the scale so I cannot be certain. I was never overweight but I was certainly not as svelte as I am now.

In my current incarnation I feel I have to defend those sisters that like me fall on the low end of the BMI index. My first defence is that I suffered, and suffered greatly to attain this weight; and I am not talking about dieting.

I have a medical condition, that when it flares up, makes it very difficult to eat. Food brings stabbing pain and has me doubled over and crying on the floor. And no it isn’t some psychosomatic anorexic side affect. 6 years ago I had emergency surgery because the pains indicated a bowel so twisted that gangrene was setting in. After the surgery I could not eat for one month. That will make you one Skinny Bitch; and indeed bitchy. When you are hungry and know you can’t eat because it will give you pain that makes you wish you were dead- well food becomes a bit of an enemy.

Although my health has been better and I have not been hospitalized for 7 months, a long stint out of hospital for me, I still have a daily battle with what I can eat and how much.

Perhaps, you think that my case is extraordinary; but I will demonstrate that it is not. A friend of mine once complained to me that everyone considered her a skinny bitch, but like me it was through no fault of her own. This woman had a digestive problem- chrones /irritable bowel/ or colitis- I can’t remember which- painful, hard to treat and a fast ticket to slimville by way of pain and suffering.

People that have the reverse problem with food don’t care to hear about those who eat and eat but can’t gain weight. But please think a minute before despising the sprites that pull size 2 off the rack and complain that it is too loose. That person may not have desired to be that size but may have had it forced on her like an NG tube in the E.R.