Empowerment

A few weeks ago, during a beautiful fall day on campus, I was reminded of the fear inherent in being a woman. I was walking back to school from the new Chocolaterie with my 10-year-old daughter at my side. A young man crossed the street with us and started a conversation. He appeared to be a university student; he had the prerequisite back pack, wore black framed glasses and was walking towards the campus as were we.

He started to talk about his recent acupuncture appointment and the remarkable feeling of wellness he was now experiencing. The conversation moved on to areas of study. When I asked him what he was studying he gave a vague and slightly nonsensical answer which immediately tweaked my bull shit radar.

I reassessed the situation and thought about how he would see me; a small woman, single mother, with child in tow. I was a good target and I knew it.

I have read a lot of forensic reports; have studied forensic anthropology and have had an interest in forensic psychology. A university campus is a rich hunting ground for predators and I thought I might have encountered one.

I started to increase the distance between the man and myself. And then he grabbed the top strap of my backpack and tugged me towards him. The backpack was full and I momentarily lost my balance. Once I regained my equilibrium I quickly altered my route in opposition to his, all the while outraged at what he had just done but fearful to confront him about his inappropriate actions. A confrontation could escalate the situation if he was truly a threat. If he wasn't, if he was just oblivious to how he had violated my space, a confrontation might be 'a teachable moment'. But with my daughter by my side, I could not risk any possible negative outcomes.

My daughter and I headed off towards my car where I sat for a few moments to regroup. I was upset by what had happened, mostly because my daughter was with me. I thought about what I could have done better-- not taken part in the conversation in the first place? I don't like that option. I don't want to live in fear of every friendly man that I meet. Sometimes people are just friendly. But as a woman it can be hard to tell what will start as friendly and end as scary.

This may seem like a small incident and maybe nothing at all to some people. But as women we face these little incidents, moments when we are reminded that our bodies may be taken, that we may not be able to protect those that we love, that we may face unwanted attention, at any time and in any place.

I would like to say that I am strong but physically I am a small woman and there is nothing that will ever change that. After a similar instance in my twenties, I spent a few years in the gym, working to overcome that physical reality. But no matter how much I could bench press or how many bicep curls I could do in a row-- my strength and stamina would never match most men I would encounter in my life.

It is an uncomfortable feeling; this powerlessness.

Women live with the possibility of violence every day. It isn't something that I think about on a daily basis but it is something that simmers under the surface.

I hate that I have to live with this. I hate that my daughters will have to live with this. I hate that no matter what consciousness raising efforts we have promoted in recent decades; things have not changed.

Respect my body's autonomy. Give me some space.

Cat Fight

The other day I was privy to a little cattiness on the wall of one of my Facebook acquaintances. My friend, had indicated how excited she was about a guest speaker she was hosting at work, another Facebooker, who shall henceforth be known as Cat Woman, commented:
Before you learned of Shauntay Grants' visit..did you know who she was and what she does?

My bitch meter was automatically alerted and I felt incensed for my friend. Why was this woman trying to take her down, question her intelligence? Why did she find it necessary to take something good, happy and bright and turn it into something hurtful?

Friend's reply:Yes.

Me: and even if she didn't, there would always have been a time in our lives when we hadn't known of her yet.

Cat woman: What???I'm going to only drink one glass of wine and read that again cause it didn't make sense with glasses or maybe it was just the grammar or lack of.

I can't really speak to my grammar, I don't usually have a grammatical filter on my Facebook posts. I am a writer but I need my spell/grammar check function. My grammar, was clearly not the point I was trying to make but I found it amusing that Cat Woman would take the opportunity to aim her venom at yet another woman, one she did not even know.

Where has this attitude of women against women come from? A friend of mine suggested there were some feminists theories about that but after a not very intensive search on the net, I have not found any profound answers.

Today I went to a memorial service for the national day of remembrance and action on violence against women. I had already started this post when I blogged off to attend the service and in the back of my mind I thought, “How can women expect men to respect us and afford us peace if we can not do it amongst ourselves?” I am not saying that catty women justify some male attitudes about violence against women, just that it is, in a small way, not helping the situation. It's hard to respect a group who don't respect themselves.

Women will never all get along but it would be fabulous if we could stop trying to pull each other down. One day an unknown woman pulled her car up next to my house as she was leaving the nearby tourist office. She rolled down her window and called out to me on my front yard, “That hair colour looks really good on you.” “Thanks,” I said.

I try to never miss an opportunity to pay a compliment, befriend a lonely soul, or speak up for people I feel are being denigrated. When I left the memorial service today, preparing to come home and finish this piece, there was a vibrant rainbow encompassing the Guysborough sky. Trite as it seems, it gave me hope that women might start being a little nicer to each other.