Kink or crime—loss of hope and trust is the result

Last week I heard some stunning news break over the airwaves; CBC had broken off their relationship with long-time radio host Jian Ghomeshi. I had been a fan of Ghomeshi's since he started his flagship morning radio show Q and I could not believe what my ears were hearing.

As the day went on more news broke on the story and then there was the famous/infamous Facebook post that Ghomeshi published in order to get the jump on the upcoming media storm.

My first thought when I read Ghomeshi's post was, 'Well at least he is straight-- all be it with a few kinks.' Because with a voice that a girlfriend of mine described as 'chocolatey' I doubt I am the only woman who thought it would be nice if he was available in the heterosexual supermarket. A visceral if not enlightened reaction.

After that it was disbelief. This man, who I had gone to bed with night after night via the radio waves, could not possibly be a sexual predator. A criminal.

I did not want to believe that I had once again put my trust in some one only to find it blasted to pieces like some kind of pumpkin drop on Late Night with David Letterman-- another case in point for disappointment.

How could it be that a man that I had heard arbitrate a discussion on rape culture had suddenly become the poster boy for the topic?

And then there is the other thing, a very unfair thing but nonetheless a truism-- Ghomeshi is Iranian and he personified what it means to be Iranian to most Canadians. It is a very heavy burden that he certainly should not be weighted with but through his openness we learned about Iran and the wonders that are hidden behind the country's not-so-loveable leaders. Through him we have been given a glimpse of a culture that we otherwise would not have had and no doubt would not have gone in search of. He's done more to make Canadians see Iran and its people for what they really are; people, than any other person or cultural outreach effort I can think of. How much of that progress will now be lost? I hope not much.

At this point I have stopped reading the Ghomeshi media coverage. There have too often been people in the public eye that we looked up to only later to find out that they were secret monsters.

Constantly misjudging people in the public eye has left me feeling jaded. I know that as listeners to radio we feel an intimacy with the voices that enter our lives and this is part of the beauty of the medium. But I also know that this feeling of knowing the voice that comes out of the box is misplaced. We don't know them any more than they know us; the listener.

No matter what happens now with lawsuits and accusations, the cultural life of Canada has been dealt a serious blow and once again the publics' trust has been waylaid.

Fat Ass

Last week someone called me a fat ass. I will clarify that and say 'he' called me a fat ass because I find that this sort of comment often comes from men. Of course I am a woman and am more likely to be ridiculed by a man but I doubt that a noticeably slender man would ever be called a fat ass by a woman.

The other thing I want to say is that I hope my daughter heard this comment.

And why would I wish for such hateful words directed at me to be heard by my daughter and every other woman and girl-- so that they will know when someone directs these words at them, and it will happen if it has not happened already, that these words have nothing to do with physical appearance. These words directed at women or girls are meant to sting and shame. They play on our insecurities and make us hate our bodies no matter how they look.

And I wish my daughter had heard them – heard them directed at me – all 115 pounds of me.

A few months ago I found my daughter standing in front of a full length mirror and she told me she didn't like how she looked. She said she was fat and what is more a male friend of hers had called her fat several months before that.

I remember that incident well; we had talked about it at the time. They had been playing and the boy wanted her to move off the slide and when she didn't he called her fat. She was visibly hurt by the comment and I told her that people say these things not because they are true but because they know those words are hurtful and mean. I told her that people had called me fat and asked her if she thought I was fat. She quickly said that I was not fat and was astonished that anyone would have ever called me that. I wanted her to understand that when someone calls a woman or girl fat it is not about their actual appearance it is about trying to hurt the woman or girl's sense of self worth.

So last week when this ignorant man told me to get off my fat ass I was hoping my daughter heard him so she could fully understand the explanation I had given about the senselessness of these words when they were directed at her or any one else. They do not reflect reality. They only highlight the ignorance and baseness of the person who chooses to hurl them like Molotov cocktails.

Do not let others create the image you have of yourself. It's a tall order. As the mother of two girls it will be a battle I will be fighting for years to come but I hope discussing such thoughtless words will help pave the way for them towards a body positive future.