The pursuit of happiness

So it's been awhile, it's been long enough, it's time to get out of this rut and I think I know just the thing and today I attended an event that made me even more sure of this idea that has been playing in my mind-it's a school thing.

In the past I have always fallen into a rut when I have not been officially learning anything. Acceptance of the fact that I need to be guided to knowledge took me to Dalhousie University after I finished my first degree at St. Mary's and later to Chulalongkorn University to do my Masters. A while back, several years ago, I contemplated going to school again but the time and money just weren't there. But, I did find a program I was interested in- an MA in Adult Education offered at the University where I teach over the summer ST. FX. It is a distance course which means I can work and complete my degree.

Today I attended a graduation ceremony for adult learners who have just finished a program to increase their marketability in the workforce. One man said that before he took the course he was 25, had 3 children and just didn't know what the future held for him; but he didn't feel hopeful. With this course his outlook has changed and he believes he has a future and can help his children have one too. Is there anything more powerful than that in terms of job satisfaction? Listening to this man describe his experience solidified my resolve to apply for the MA program.

The MA program has several streams, I am investigating education and community development. I ordered books from the library today to help me flesh out my application letter. I'll be working at the university this summer and have more chances to access materials then too.

When I am not learning I feel like I am sinking. Now that I have landed on my feet, I am starting to get pulled down and am looking for something more to accomplish than just surviving each day.

As to how and where I would apply this Masters degree, I am sure something will come up. Next week I have my first board meeting at the local adult learning association. There is a great need in this area for literacy and general life skills education but I am not sure this is the place I want to apply what I might learn.

So now that I have a goal, I feel better. I always need an academic pursuit to be happy.

PS: I also want an X ring of my own.

Breaking the block

Is this cheating? Trying to break my writers block.

Your lofty violet heart
embraced my fathomless moonlight.
Pregnant blocks balance my nerve
while melodic rituals clamor to the surface.


I can put these words into my mouth and hold them between my teeth. I could place -I love you- on your lips and remove it with my tongue. Like small edible sugar cubes, tiny blocks, words plucked out of thin air; could be placed in candy bowls for the intellectual delight of visitors. Lofty, livid , anal, science, doctor; occupy one block. The possibilities are endless, scandalous and pornographic. They permit me to chase lewd thoughts and crack the unknowable id.

I can build towers of words and let them crash down into new more compelling patterns.

They have made me feel slightly better about this life with and without words.

I still fell some destructive force building up, about to break out and crash some dishes or make unwise relationship choices. I am hoping to dampen this down like a fire fire whose draft has been closed. I need something new in my life and am looking.