Thursday, June 16, 2011
I just read the Vagina Monologues and it certainly has got me thinking. Most of what I am thinking I am not sure if I really should post on my blog but as I doubt I'll ever run for public office here it goes.
The vagina is something that I face on a daily basis-literally. I have two daughters which means I usually see it in the morning when they get up, often during story time when curious little hands roam downward to play, and during the night when covers have been thrown or kicked off and nightdresses have rolled up. (as I write this I am worried about who is going to read it, should this be public?)
As a parent I have the typical reaction to this; cover it up and get your hands out of it-NOW. What does this reaction really mean? In the living room , around the house, I want their business, that's what we call it- as in this is my business and you can't bother my business unless I say so-covered, shielded from whatever eyes might glance in the window. I'm a mother. I worry about the usual things-molestation, sexual abuse, rape. I also worry about yeast infections, bladder infections and whatever other possible medical conditions they could contract by messing about with their business.
Another side of me, watches them and feels that I should not be making feel ashamed of their bodies. I shouldn't make them feel that they are dirty, that it is wrong to touch yourself and feel good in your own body. But this road to orgasm should be explored in private not on the living room floor.
When I think about these things I remember what a friend of mine once told me; by the time she was age 8 she masturbated. Her mother and aunties knew what she was doing in the privacy of her own room and they never stopped her or told her it was a bad thing. She learned something at 8 that I wouldn't learn until my mid-20's. I really wish I had had her mother.
These days we think we are being progressive about adolescent sexuality if we give our daughters the birth control pill. Girls, like boys, have an overwhelming sexual drive and energy that needs to find an outlet. It often finds one in a not so great teenaged relationships. It is my idea that instead of talking about sex when your ready, find some one you love blah,blah, blah...that I should teach my daughters about their bodies, let them explore their pleasure centers and give them the tools, battery operated of course, to deal with their physical needs. I am sure this will not deter them from dating and teenage sex and all that that means but it will give them another source of satisfaction and allow them to hold the reins on their own sexual desires; I hope.
As for myself and my own acceptance of my business, my vagina, I am pretty sure I have started on that journey but haven't traveled as far as I would like.
When I was delivering my second child, the doctor asked me to look at my vagina in a standing mirror. He said if I could physically see the contraction I would be better able to push through them and stop at the appropriate time. Actually, when he first suggested that I should use the mirror he only asked if I would like to see the birth. I said no. I didn't want to see. It was his second comment about knowing when to push that convinced me to look in the mirror. I am glad I did or I would have missed something amazing.