I have been waiting a long time to get my hands on my letters and journals that I wrote over a 10 year period in Thailand. They have arrived. They have been sitting, untouched, for almost a month. Many of the journals were destroyed by the Thai climate but what remains, sits atop a bookshelf, unopened.
I am not sure why I have not looked at these pieces of my life yet, just waiting I guess for an opportune moment. Perhaps I am a little scared to see what my life was like; the past never lives up to your expectations.
I recently had a similar realization when I reopened some journals from my late teens/early twenties. I remember myself as someone intelligent and funny. Certainly not in my journals. They turned out to be the typical maudlin stuff about boys. How could I have been so wrong about myself. I guess I might be afraid of that happening again; hence a pile of writing left gathering dust.
I have started this Blog as a kind of journal, I just don't seem to be able to keep a real journal these days. My hope is to keep this as a place for thought and reflection on the world which I used to be more a part of. My journals inevitably become a discussion of my feelings about men, in order to write about less personal things and actually think I am making this public.
A few days ago I wrote on my FB status that I was making a Solar Furnace and much to my dismay, no one asked me what that was. I came to the conclusion that either all my environmentally conscious friends are fully aware of this idea and that my other FB friends are not environmentally conscious at all and have no desire to be. I am still working on my project and I have to admit I am not doing it to save the environment but to save my pocket book. My old house is a killer on oil. I hope to have my solar furnace installed in my kitchen window before week's end.